Heeeyyy! This may make you giggle a bit – I almost titled this blog “What’s my name bitch?” just for fun. Then I realized that may give you the impression I watch too much porn. Ha! Perhaps I do these days with all of this virus bullshit going on. Cabin fever is real people. Thank god for my side piece. We will get to him later. Promise.
So, what’a a good cure for cabin fever? Hop in the car and drive two hours away to your friend’s lake house? Yep, that sounds ’bout right. And that’s just what my friend and I did. Friday morning we decided we would pack an overnight bag, stop at the grocery store and beer store and then head north after work. Emphasize on beer…. gotta have that. A two hour drive and we’d be on Culver Lake. This little lake community it pretty fucking awesome.
We made it to the lake house Friday night. A little rain and snow but we made it. Fast forward to Saturday morning. I’m sitting in the lake house with the sun peeking thru the clouds, the Drive By Truckers are playing in the background, bacon sizzling on the stove, a cup of coffee in clutch sitting in my jammie shirt, panties and no bra. Ladies, I think you’d agree braless is a great feeling. I think for a moment, life isn’t so bad. I’m sitting in an antique wooden rocker with my MacBook propped on my lap. I look up and I across the lake I can see the mountain tops. Damn, that view is fucking amazing. As I sit here in quarantine (kind of) I keep replaying a recent conversation with the side piece in regards to marriage. Our conversations often are about life, marriage, and relationships. And we always seem to ask the same damn questions, wtf is it all about?
The side piece, I don’t really like calling him that so let’s refer to him as Mr. Ha! Yea, that sounds better. He’s got this confidence (some see it as cocky), fun loving bubbly personality. You either can’t stand the mother fucker or you love him to pieces. Most females are googoo over him. Mostly because he’s got this flirty way about him. It’s super cute. Mr. and I have this frightening natural chemistry. It just feels good. And the scary part is I think we both know this but it is unspoken. I’m not sure if it will ever be said.
Ok, enough about Mr. himself – so these conversation with Mr. – they seem to revolve around marriage and what that is supposed to look like. Do you ever wonder that yourself? Am I do everything right? Does he find me attractive? Why does he watch porn everyday? Am I not good enough? And the list can go on. I think marriage looks different for everyone.
Should we be keeping up with the Jones’ or living a minimalistic life style? What makes you happy? Things, people, experiences, the ocean, a fat bank account? Who would argue with a fat bank account? Do you ever think are we even on the same page? Marriage can be complicated. Am I right? Why do people keep score? In my conversations with Mr. it seems that score keeping is more common than not. In my home, score keeping looked a lot like this. I did the laundry, washed the dishes, helped the kid with homework and took the kids to all the after school activities. My ex would mow the lawn, take the trash out, and change the filter in the heater. It often felt like I was contributing more than he was. And rather than communicate that with my hubs I would keep in to myself and keep score. Which would later result in a disagreement.
I am an over thinker. There were many times I would ask myself should I be giving my children more of my time? Who comes first, me, my kids, or my husband? When is it ok to take time for yourself? How often should you and your hubs be spending exploring each others bodies in the bedroom? I wish I had all the answers to these questions. One thing I’ve learned from my marriage (that is no longer a marriage) is that commutation is key. Listening is even more important. If you aren’t really hearing, understanding, comprehending and accepting how your husband feels then shit is not going to work. And this is easier said than done for sure. We can’t just get wrapped up in everyday life and not put effort into the most important relationship of our life. Our marriage!!!
Damn it – how did I get to the point where I said enough was enough? I can’t put anymore effort into this marriage? Oh I know, when he started giving his energy to others before me. When I became less important in his life. So, now I am on a new path to find myself again. That sounds so corny. I want to put effort into the relationships in my life that matter – really matter. And I don’t want to waste my positive energy on shitty people who suck the fucking joy out me. What’s next? I know for sure there are new beginnings to come and I can’t freaking wait. How exciting and scary. Stay tuned for more… oh boy do I have more. I’m sure you are wondering about the mystery Mr., huh? There will be more, I promise.
Got questions? Maybe a comment or two. Shoot me an email at – foxieredhead@gmail.com and I will try to respond within 48 hours. But hey, no promises. Byyyeeee….for now.
Three beers and the Truth 